I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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