I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Randomize
