Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
