he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize