im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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