Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
