It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
