come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
