Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
