i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
