foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
