i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
