I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize