I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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