the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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