with your own penis?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
