Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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