eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
