I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
