in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Congratulations! We have a period
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
