I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
