Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
