i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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