The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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