I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
