honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
