Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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