when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
