I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize