I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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