Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
