he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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