Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just gargled with NyQuil
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
