I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize