There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Congratulations! We have a period
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
