clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
