my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
