you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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