You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
