Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
