I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
