Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
