watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
