WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
