Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
