That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
