I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
