There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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