i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
