yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize