is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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