I'm going to jail i love you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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