There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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