We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
