I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
