A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
