The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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