i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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