Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
