I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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