my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize