Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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