its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
