I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
