I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
