You're earring is so big in my mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
a search helicopter?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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