She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
