Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pants are for mortals
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize