I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
