So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is the high leading the old right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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