Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
