yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
