it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you never un-have a 4some
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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