I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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