did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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