You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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